Cooking - Paint Talk

Wolfgang · 02-08-2010, 08:29 PM

Since I've had some time on my hands lately

, I've be re-acquainting myself with my culinary skills. On the charcoal Weber I'm almost a "Wolfgang Puck"

....on the stove top; more like a "Wolfgang Schmuck"

. Just cant seem to get the hang of it. I think it's because the wife stands over my shoulder making sure I dont damage her utensils. Now I recall what a helper/trainee must feel like after all these years.

Things I've learned:
1. If you take a hot aluminum MagnaLite pan and immerse it in water, it will warp.
2. They are expensive to replace.
3. The scrap value of the pan doesnt offset the replacement cost very much
4. Women dont consider Ramen noodles and PB&J sandwiches a supper.
5. Same with frozen pizza.
6. HoHo's and Hostess cupcakes are not considered a dessert even if you unwrap them.
7. Disposable styrofoam plates will melt some if the food is really hot.
8. Dogs will love you no matter what you cook.
9. Wives I'm not so sure about.
10. Dinty Moore chili will give you bad gas.
11. Smooth top stoves arent always that easy to clean.
12. Self-cleaning ovens really smell bad when you have to use that feature.
13. Dont put sharp knives in the soapy dishwater where you cant see them.
14. Acetone still works pretty good for stopping the bleeding.

Man I cant wait to start grilling outside again...

**Workaholic** · 02-08-2010, 08:32 PM

You make a mean fresh Margarita though right?

Wolfgang · 02-08-2010, 08:54 PM

I used to be able to bartend with the best of them Sean. I still like watching a good bartender in action...almost poetry in motion. But sadly, I no longer imbibe of the alcoholic beverages, tough to do when your wife is a drug/alcohol addictions counselor.

Gotta admit though, it kills me when you guys start these threads about the new micro-beers. I just know I'm missing out on something real good...sigh. I just cant afford another wife right now so I gotta keep my word to her.

**RCP** · 02-08-2010, 08:58 PM

LOl, I hear ya Wolf, Rob does all the cooking, he has been gone 3 weeks.

I have mastered the can opener and microwave!

**Workaholic** · 02-08-2010, 09:02 PM

A good woman is hard to come by and you have to do what it takes to make her happy. You are not missing anything.

Wolfgang · 02-08-2010, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RCP

LOl, I hear ya Wolf, Rob does all the cooking, he has been gone 3 weeks.

I have mastered the can opener and microwave!

Ahh, microwaves.

15. Some foods arent as good cooked in the microwave.
16. Some foods will explode in the microwave.
17. Microwaves get really dirty when this happens.
18. They are not fun to clean.
19. Leftover gravy always comes out looking jelly like when re-heated in the microwave.
20. Dogs dont care that it does.
21. The glass dish that rotates will break.
22. They arent cheap.
23. They're tough to find before the wife gets home.
24. They do make decent Ramen Noodles.

Last Craftsman · 02-08-2010, 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wolfgang

Gotta admit though, it kills me when you guys start these threads about the new micro-beers. I just know I'm missing out on something real good...

You aren't missing anything. Even one beer makes me tired the next day.

I rarely drink. Allthough that's not the same as never ever drinking.

I think when you drink somewhat regularly, you get used to that extra tiredness and don't think you are missing anything.

But focus is not as sharp the next day, and energy is about 5% less.

Alcohol isn't all it's cracked up to be.

I do occasionally like me a little mead though.

chrisn · 02-09-2010, 06:35 AM

1. If you take a hot aluminum MagnaLite pan and immerse it in water, it will warp.

They are also hard to replace before the wife gets home, as are the solid brass handles on the shower, or the pizza stone for the Wolf oven, or the antique glass globe for the foyer chandelier. You can get this stuff on the internet but not in a couple hours, guess how I know that? I do all my cooking when she is at work, keep practicing, it gets easier. I don't want to get too domestic here but I have had a lot of "spare" time over the years for various reasons and have found that Ina Garten's recipes to be practically fool proof and good.

http://www.barefootcontessa.com/

Dannyj · 02-09-2010, 01:57 PM

Hey Wolfgang, if you can get a copy, pick up Jamie Oliver's 'Jamie's Ministry of food' book. Its like a beginners cook book but decent recipes, he takes really simple food and then add's things you wouldn't think of to make it 'fancy' while still being really easy! My wife swears by it and i've used it a couple of times myself. Plus he's a decent enough guy, which helps.