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Old 06-27-2009, 11:47 AM   #41
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nice one
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Old 11-22-2010, 08:53 AM   #42
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Old 11-22-2010, 05:34 PM   #43
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Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.

The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow".

The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet".

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45!!"
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Old 11-22-2010, 05:48 PM   #44
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This is a Florida joke for all you snow birds:

What's the difference between a canoe & a Canuck???

A canoe tips
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Old 11-23-2010, 07:29 PM   #45
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guy finds a bottle at the beach, rubs it and a genie comes out.

genie says:" im the most powerful genie there is. i can give you anything you want, but you only get one wish."

guy says: " i want a road built from california to hawaii. i always wanted to go but im afraid to fly, or afraid to take a boat."

genie says:" thats impossible, cant do it, the waters too deep and the ocean will just wreck it. ask me anything else."

Guy says: "ok then, show me how to understand women."

genie says: "would you like that road 2 lane or 4 lane."
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Old 11-23-2010, 08:07 PM   #46
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The 10 times throughout history that is was ok to say F#$*k

‎1. "What the f#$*k was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima, Aug., 1945
2. "Where did all these f#$*king Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877
3. "Any f#$*king idiot should understand that." - Einstein, 1938
4. "It does SO f#$*king look like her!" - Pica...sso, 1926
5. "How the f#$*k did you work that out?"- Pythagoras, 126 BC
6. "You want WHAT on the f#$*king ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
7. "I don't suppose it's gonna f#$*king rain." - Joan of Arc, 1434
8. "Scattered f#$*king showers...my ass!" - Noah, 3914 BC
9. "I need this parade like I need a f#$*king hole in my head!" - JFK, 1963
10. "She didn't wash the f#$*king dress?" - Bill Clinton, 1997
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Old 11-23-2010, 11:23 PM   #47
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11: Delete me from your f#$*king spam list - Bill Archibald to XIM Products, May, 2010


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Old 11-30-2010, 08:54 PM   #48
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What did the one prostitute say to the other prostitute as they walked by the morgue?

What?

"Wanna go inside and suck down a couple of cool ones?"

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Old 12-01-2010, 11:35 AM   #49
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Default Mrs Donovan's lack of children.

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.

The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?'

She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'

The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'

She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'

The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.'

She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father..'

They then parted ways.



Some years later they met again.

The Father asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?'

She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'

The Father asked, 'And tell me , have ye any wee ones yet?'

She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles, ten in all!'



The Father said, 'That's wonderful!

How is yer loving hoosband doing?'

She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer bloody candle!
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Old 12-01-2010, 04:25 PM   #50
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I miss RR..

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Old 12-04-2010, 12:35 PM   #51
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Default Three Irish brothers

Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin,

Orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn.

When he had finished all three, he went back to the bar and ordered three more.

The barman says, "You know a pint goes stale soon after I pull it ......... your pint would taste better if you bought one at a time."

Patrick replies, "Well now, I have two brothers, one is in America and the other in Australia, and here I am in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together."

The barman admits that this is a nice custom and says no more.

Patrick becomes a regular customer, and always drinks the same way ....... ordering three pints and drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished.

One day, he comes in and orders just two pints.

All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.

When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh,

"Oh no," he says, "Bejesus, everyone is fine!

Tis me, ................... I've Quit Drinking!"
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Old 12-05-2010, 06:48 PM   #52
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After being in prison for 15 years, a man escapes. He breaks into a house to look for money & guns but finds a young couple in bed. He orders the man out of the bed ties him to a chair. He tied the girl to the bed and kisses her neck. Then he gets up & goes into the bathroom. The husband tells his wife: "Listen,this gu...y's a dangerous escaped convict! He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants to have sex with you, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you or he might kill us. Be strong, honey. I Love You." The wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I LOVE YOU TOO!
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Old 12-05-2010, 07:04 PM   #53
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Default For Timma'

One day, while driving along, I saw a priest.
I thought I would do a good deed, so I pulled over and asked the priest,
"Where are you going Father?"
"I'm going to give mass at St. Francis Church, about 2 miles down the
road," replied the priest.
"Climb in, Father! I'll give you a lift!"
The priest climbed into the rear passenger seat, and we continued down the road.
Suddenly, I saw a Pittsburgh fan walking down the road, with that "P" shirt
on and I instinctively swerved as if to hit him.
But, as usual, I swerved back into the road just in time. Even though I was
certain that I had missed the guy, I still heard a loud "THUD." Not
understanding where the noise ame from, I glanced in my mirrors but still
didn't see anything. I then remembered the priest, and turned to the priest
and said, "Sorry Father, I almost hit that Pittsburgh fan."
"That's OK," replied the priest, "I got him with the door."
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Old 12-05-2010, 07:09 PM   #54
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What does a Steeler fan say when he steps up to the microphone?

"Would you like fries with that?"
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Old 12-05-2010, 07:09 PM   #55
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What do you say to a Steeler fan wearing a suit?

"Will the defendant please rise?"
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Old 12-05-2010, 07:10 PM   #56
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Did you hear the Pittsburgh schools had to cancel sex education classes for the week? Drivers' ed' needed the car.
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Old 12-05-2010, 07:11 PM   #57
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Someone has something against the Steelers..........
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Old 12-05-2010, 07:13 PM   #58
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Why did the Steeler fan grow a mustache?

So he could look like his mother
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Old 12-05-2010, 07:14 PM   #59
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Where will the Pittsburgh Steelers sit during this year's Super Bowl? On their couches at home!
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Old 12-05-2010, 07:15 PM   #60
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Schmidt & Co. View Post
Someone has something against the Steelers..........
I probably should of started my own thread.
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