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Old 03-25-2020, 05:44 PM   #421
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Old 03-25-2020, 05:49 PM   #422
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Old 03-25-2020, 06:42 PM   #423
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Kramer says the pinky toe is a valuable appendage!
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Old 04-15-2020, 09:13 AM   #424
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Yeah, I'm pretty smart, he bragged. Cat In The Hat says 3-5 years and I finished it in only 2.
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Old 04-15-2020, 09:14 AM   #425
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Pulling together a winning Hide 'n Seek team is tough. It's just so hard to find good players these days.
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Old 04-15-2020, 09:15 AM   #426
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What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, he won't come to you no matter what you call him.
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Old 04-15-2020, 09:18 AM   #427
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An older couple had some friends over and after dinner the guys were talking in the living room while the ladies were in the kitchen. The host mentioned he's having trouble with his memory but recalls going to a great restaurant earlier in the week. His guest asked for the name of the restaurant. "Gosh, what was it...help me out, what's that flower that's red and has thorns?" The guest said "A Rose?" "Yeah, that's it, thanks. Hey, Rose, what was the name of that restaurant...."
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Old 04-15-2020, 12:37 PM   #428
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Exclamation We're truning into dogs

Me: Alexa what’s the weather this weekend ? Alexa: It doesn’t matter – you’re not going anywhere.

Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture !”

This virus has done what no woman had been able to do…cancel all sports, shut down all bars, and keep men at home !!!

Tomorrow is the National Home-school Tornado Drill. Lock your kids in the basement until you give the all clear. You’re welcome!

I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing.

2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.

The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!

You think it’s bad now ? In 20 years our country will be run by people home-schooled by day drinkers…

Do not call the police on suspicious people in your neighborhood ! Those are your neighbors without makeup and hair extensions !

Since we can’t eat out, now’s the perfect time to eat better, get fit, and stay healthy. We’re quarantined! Who are we trying to impress? We have snacks, we have sweatpants – I say we use them!

Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands ???

I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6 foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!

Can everyone please just follow the government instructions so we can knock out this corona virus and be done?! I feel like a kindergartner who keeps losing more recess time because one or two kids can’t follow directions.

I swear my fridge just said “what the hell do you want now ?”

When this is over…what meeting do I attend first…Weight Watchers or AA?

Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told “no” if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itUTxC-tj1c


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XK6UnPoQhhA




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Old 04-15-2020, 06:11 PM   #429
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Default Stay The Blazes Home!



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Old 04-17-2020, 10:59 AM   #430
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Old 04-17-2020, 11:08 AM   #431
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Old 04-17-2020, 04:38 PM   #432
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The older gentleman was convinced his elderly wife was losing her hearing. One day he walked into the living room while she was at the other end, looking out the window. So, he thought he'd check her hearing. "Dear, can you hear me?" he asked. Hearing nothing he moved to the middle of the room and asked again, "Dear, can you hear me now?" Again nothing so he walks right behind her and says yet again, "Dear, can you hear me?" His wife turns around and angrily says, "For the third time, YES."
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Old 04-20-2020, 11:27 AM   #433
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Default Feeling Grumpy? Cheer up!

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Old 04-26-2020, 10:41 AM   #434
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Default Senior Moments

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Old 05-26-2020, 11:37 AM   #435
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Talking Rude British Woman Scolds an American Soldier

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